Apologia
By Rachel Kann

Forgive me,
I have done it all wrong.
In every way that I hoped not to act,
I have failed.

Forgive me,
I love you beyond logic
Where the loudest blossoms shout yellow, pink.
Listen to the fragrance of bloom.
Inhale the whisper of nature.
My lips part for your kiss only.
You know my mouth’s deep intimacy.

This is my long-form farewell tour.
I am but a bank of buttons and knobs
Laid plain for you to press up against.

This is past chest-pounding,
This is specific,
Forgive me
For whispering in symbols while
I watch stars dance between palm fronds.

 

Soul Nidre 
By Rachel Kann 
 

I said I did my best, 
but I know there is better yet 
within this lonely bag of bones,
forgive me.

I tried, but not hard enough,
forgive me.

I gave up,
forgive me.

I disrespected my inner wisdom,
forgive me.

I lied when I said I was fine, 
I’m not fine,
forgive me.

I took your pure love for granted, 
mishandled your divinity,
forgive me.

I swept my indiscretions under the rug 
instead of addressing them,
forgive me.

I lusted and succumbed to my hunger,
forgive me.

I fell in love with my own woundedness,
forgive me.

I have transgressed in ways I am cannot even name, 
my shame so deep 
I am unable to awaken 
to the full brunt 
of my inner wickedness.
I gave up,
I tangoed with my death wish,
I let fear win,
I hid my brightness,
I dimmed my light,
I denied my own power,
I lurked in shadows,
acted like I didn’t matter,
shattered my own scattershot heart,
forgive me.

I lacked faith,
forgive me.

I/Me/Us/We did not trust,
forgive us.

Excerpt from Soul Nidre, originally published in Hevria

Interpretation of Mourner's Kaddish 
By Emily Rose Antflick

יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא
Growing in holiness, we inhale and breathe tiny human words 
Into the immensity of sacred spacetime

אָמֵן
Amen

בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ בְּחַיֵּיכון וּבְיומֵיכון וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשרָאֵל בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
In this breathing moment and all the sunsets to come
As trees broaden in ring and root, and raindrops carve boulders to sand
As human languages are born and changed and silenced
We say: Amen

אָמֵן
Amen

יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא
May the ripple of these blessings
Be felt for infinite lifetimes

יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרומַם וְיִתְנַשּא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל שְׁמֵהּ דְּקֻדְשָׁא. בְּרִיךְ הוּא 
May geodes and damselflies, 
Soft fur, dark berries, glowing plankton
Be marveled at, praised, adored
For their own sake
And we say: bless it all!

בריך הוא
Bless it all!

לְעֵלָּא לְעֵלָּא מִכָּל בִּרְכָתָא וְשִׁירָתָא תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
Every song, every blessing, every compassionate utterance
Rises high and sinks deep, expands and contracts
And reverberates beyond our time on this planet
And we say: Amen

אָמֵן
Amen

יְהֵא שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא וְחַיִּים עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְעַל כָּל יוֺשְׁבֵי תֵבֶל. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
May the wonder of the night sky make space in my god-wrestling heart
And enfold all the restless hearts in a vast peace
And we say: Amen

אָמֵן
Amen

עושה שָׁלום שָּׁלום בִּמְרומָיו היא תעשה שָׁלום עָלֵינוּ וְעַל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְעַל כָּל יוֺשְׁבֵי תֵבֶל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
May all the cycles of my life and of all our human lives
Echo the easeful orbit of the celestial bodies
And we say: Amen

אָמֵן
Amen

Fruit
By Rachel Kann


Know this:
you are wonderful-wild.
Do not deny it, contort
akimbo,
reach your glorious limbs skyward. 
No more mourning
your exclusion from the orchard—
you were never meant to be regimented,
thank heaven.

The predatory parasites
who hijacked the canopy,
clawing toward your inner sugar,
have all been evicted. 
They could never truly penetrate;
never rip to the center of you. 
They tried to prune your shine,
you bloomed through it.
Their attempts to graft you
proved fruitless, 
they carved their tags into your trunk,
underestimated your fortitude. 
How could they predict
you’d claim your scars as splendor? 
Your roots go deeper
than you ever imagined.
You are steadfast
and untamable. 
Your leaves unfurl face-up
toward the
massive gentleness
and outrageous abundance
emanating in waves of electric radiance. 
Your existence bridges
earthly with celestial. 
Today, it begins.
Awaken, under cover of cold snap.
Be your sweetness, revealed.
Your glow is a holy permission slip. 
Beneath the harsh winter—
hidden growth. Humble/pliant,
you are safer than you realize.

Here is a secret worth knowing:
To dance, you must let the wind
whip your branches.

To sing, permit the breeze
to whistle through you. 
Your very being is a map of eternity.
You are inviolable,
fairly spilling with potential. 
Come to blossom;
Come to fruit.